You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
