You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize