Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
