I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
