My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
