Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
