I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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