I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just threw up on my dentist
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize