Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
