Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I AM VODKA MAN
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
