It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize