That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
