those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
