you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize