Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
