Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
God, I missed his penis.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
