I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
