I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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