My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
