Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
