Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
