so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You made out with two different species that night
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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