Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
