I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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