dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
