I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
