smell my finger.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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