Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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