1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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