so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
