The brown eye won't let me do that either.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
A+ Viking dick
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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