Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
