Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
