I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
