I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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