i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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