i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
