My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize