We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
