I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
