Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize