Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
