may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
