yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
