i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
