So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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