well I can't set my house on fire every night
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
