Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Small penises have feelings too.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
