and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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