Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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