i love accidental penises.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
