hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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