I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
