I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
