I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
