drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
