You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my shit smells like andre
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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