but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
