I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
