so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's shark week go big or go home
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
