i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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