Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
