Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
