I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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