I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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