its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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