after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
