i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
