I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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