I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
