there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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