how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize