Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just cropdusted the office
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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