It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize