Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
