Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
