and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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