I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
